Aggressively Mediocre: Your 2012 Pittsburgh Steelers

The 2012 Steelers give even the great Ryan Clark a headache

I have watched less talented teams in my lifetime in black and gold, but I have never watched a more disappointing team.

Oakland 34, Pittsburgh 31.
Tennessee 26, Pittsburgh 23.
Kansas City 13, Pittsburgh 16. (Yeah. I know they won. But needing OT against the Chiefs? In Pittsburgh, for cripes sake? C'mon.)
Cleveland 20, Pittsburgh 14.
San Diego 34, Pittsburgh 24.

No team with those five games on their resume has any business at all in the post-season. And so, the season is over, golf course reservations are made and, frankly, some long soul searching needs to happen at Heinz Field. Not to overstate this, but the Steelers have some things to figure out. Every time they were presented with an opportunity this season, they fell short -- sometimes by a hair and sometimes by a country mile.

Rashard Mendenhall: To Fumble or Not to Fumble? That Is the Question

Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin made it a point in his press conference this week to point out that he had re-configured his depth chart vis-a-vis running back. Call it blowing smoke or sending a message; view it as speaking through the media to his players or sheer egotism. But however you see it, Tomlin made it clear that (for the time being) Jonathan Dwyer was the starting running back, with Isaac Redman the 3rd down guy and Rashard Mendenhall in a lesser role.

It's a heckuva role for a former first round draft pick to be in.

Rationalizations and Lines: The Steelers Lose in Denver to Open the 2012 Season

'Why does that strike me as a massive rationalization?'

'Hey, don't knock rationalizations. I don't know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They're more important than sex.'

'Aw, c'mon. Nothing's more important than sex.'

'Yeah? You ever gone a week with out a rationalization?'

The Steelers pass defense was torched by Peyton Manning last night:  Well, lots of teams have been torched by Manning in his career.

And Thus Endeth the Great Bruce Arians Debate

Today, Steelers offensive coordinator Bruce Arians announced his retirement and nary a tear was shed in Pittsburgh, except maybe by Pig Ben Roethlisberger, who was all BFF with coach Arians.

I'm no great supporter of Arians and while it was hard to argue against a guy coming off of a Super Bowl appearance, I felt that Arians' time here was over heading into the 2011 season.

Worst. Pittsburgh. Sports. Week. Ever.

Seriously? What in the Sam Hill is going on around here?

I'll give a box of Twinkies to the person who can point out to me a worse week, because I don't need any fancy math skills to know that this:

PLUS this:

PLUS this:

equals the worst week in memory.

Just what have we as a city done to piss off the sports gods? Personally, I blame the Mayor.

Top Five Reasons I'm Nervous about the Steelers v. the Broncos

The Steelers first playoff game is just hours away. And I don't feel well. It's my annual bout of Steelers Playoff Anxiety Disorder. It's an amorphous disorder and happens every year to thousands of people in the Western Pennsylvania area. But today, specifically, here's why I'm twitchy:

5.  Health.
The Steelers head to Mile High as a veritable MASH unit -- the offense is without it's most explosive running back (and I know I've been critical of Rashard Mendenhall from time to time, but he looked really good to me the last few weeks), the line is missing monster center Maurkice Pouncey and Pig Ben is limping around on an ankle that's about as sturdy as under-cooked bacon. (Mmmm ... bacon.) On the other side of the ball, who knows how well or how long LaMarr Woodley will play on that gimpy hamstring. And of course, Ryan Clark (the team leader in tackles with an even 100) cannot play or he might actually, you know, die. I'd feel a lot better if at least some of those guys were healthy.

The NFL Playoffs, Seeding and Reason

Once again, in the land of the NFL, we have good teams traveling to play el-stinko teams in the playoffs. Last year, when the super-stinko Seattle Seahawks won the crapulous NFC West with a 7-9 record, oh did the talking heads wail. Oh, the 10-6 New York Giants didn't get to play, but the Seahawks were in. Oh, the humanity. At the time, I argued that winning your division should mean something. Even if your division is the bottom of the garbage pail. I think of it as a similar scenario to March Madness -- win your conference and you get an automatic bid. If you perform well, but don't win your conference, you should get a shot, but there are no guarantees.

Here's why division champs are important. Because the Brown hate the Steelers. And the Ravens hate the Steelers. And everybody hates Baltimore.

The Steelers, Turnover Differential and Playoff Possibilities

If the playoffs started this weekend, the Steelers would be the No. 1 seed in the AFC. Those Steelers? My Steelers? Sure. But the Steelers, despite their 6-2 record, and despite their handling of the New England Patriots on Sunday at Heinz Field, feel like an incomplete team, a less than great team, don't they? And I think that feeling at the back of your mind which is causing your skepticism is turnover differential.

The Steelers are -10. Yes, that's minus ten. It's the worst turnover differential in the AFC and, in fact, it's the worst in the entire NFL. By way of comparison, teams with comparable records, the Detroit Lions (6-2) and the Buffalo Bills (5-2) are +13 and +9, respectively.

I started to wonder if any team had secured the overall 1 seed for the playoffs with a worse turnover differential than this version of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Reactions to Steelers v. Eagles in the Preseason

The Dream Team came rolling into Heinz Field and, amazingly enough, the Steelers didn't just say, "oh, you signed Nnamdi Asomugha and Jason Babin (and Vince Young and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie). You have Michael Vick and DeSean Jackson. We're scared. We forfeit."

Amazing.

And this is why I love media hype. Some idiot says, "it's like playing on the Dream Team" (Exhibit A:  Idiot -- Vince Young), the media runs with it like a starving dog with a Tuscan steak, prompting the rest of us jump on the Philadelphia Eagles Haters Bandwagon. All Aboard! (The NFL:  bringing you knee-jerk Pavlovian responses since 1958 ...)

It's times like this when I miss Lee Flowers. You just know he would have been calling the Eagles 'paper champions' in the locker room last night. Ah, good times.

Packers Win XLV, Pittsburgh Sofas Still at Risk

Steelers fans are miserable now, furious that the Steelers lost Super Bowl XLV and while the Steelers did their part to spit the bit, the narrative that the Steelers lost it, implies that the Packers didn't win it, that they were just passive recipients of the Steelers noblesse oblige. It denies the Packers agency in their own victory and that's just not cool. So allow me, for a moment, to write about how the Packers went about winning the game.

The best defense on the field was in green and yellow, not black and gold.
They were opportunistic, they sensed the big moments and responded. And they forced some of Pittsburgh's mistakes.

Exhibit One. Nick Collins' pick six was forced by Green Bay pressure. Somebody, and I'm not sure who, hit Pig Ben's arm as he was releasing the ball. Mike Wallace had a step or two on his man and had Ben hit him, he might have been gone. Instead, because of the hit, the ball fluttered out like a lame, dying dodo bird into Collins' arms. He did the rest. Whoever it was who beat Chris Kemeoatu like a wet noodle to get to Pig Ben, deserves a ton of credit on that play.

Exhibit Two. I've crushed Mendenhall in the past for his fumbling problems and after a season that was happily devoid of many fumbles, it came back to bite him last night. Still, I'm not going to pin it all on Mendenhall. He had the ball high and tight; Clay Matthews made a great play to hit him right in his elbow and force the ball out. Not that somebody couldn't have blocked Matthews. Not that Mendenhall couldn't have been alert enough to shout out "Ball! Ball! Ball!" when the ball popped loose to alert his oblivious linemen, rather than laying there like startled mannequin. Sigh. But truly the fumble itself was at least 80% Matthews.

In short, the Packers defense scored and then set their offense up to score some more. That's not just Steelers screw ups -- that's Packers' agency.

The Packers offense pounced.
When your defense hands you gifts, as an offense it is incumbent upon you to unwrap those gifts, squeal with delight and model those gifts while parading around like one of the Housewives of Orange County parading around in her new boobs.

Rogers stuck his chest out and turned both Steelers turnovers into touchdowns. Not field goals, but touchdowns. After the Jarrett Bush interception, Rogers took over at his own 47. Four plays later, he hit Greg Jennings in the endzone. After the Mendenhall fumble, the Pack had the ball at their own 45. Eight plays later, Rogers hit Jennings for another touchdown. Despite a slew of his receivers dropping balls, Rogers stared down the Steelers defense and didn't blink.

Life Rule Applies to Football Too: Timing Is Everything.
Although I find it hard to blame Mendenhall for his fumble, the timing could not have been worse. The offense had clawed their way back to within four-points of the Packers, the defense had held four times through the 3rd quarter, and special teams had flip-flopped field position after the idiocy of the 52 yard field goal attempt. So with the team driving, with a second down and short at Green Bay's 33 yard line, it looked like they might even take the lead in the game and pull off a miracle.

Then somebody misses a block on Matthews, he forces the fumble and it was one of those moments that will always cause Steelers fans to feel sick and empty, while Wisconsinite will think back on that play with warn fuzzy feelings in their private parts. It was too much, finally, too much for the Steelers to overcome.Mistakes Are Magnified.
Somebody much smarter than I did a breakdown of turnover differential in Super Bowls. It is hard to win a regular season game when you've lost the turnover battle; in the Super Bowl, it is virtually impossible. Mistakes are magnified, they somehow take on a life of their own, they go viral, grow exponentially, until the weight of them crushes you, leaving dreams of glory squashed like gnat under Casey Hampton's butt. Teams that have won the turnover battle, even if it's just by one turnover, are 32-3 in the Super Bowl. Well, now I guess that's 33-3 for the team winning the turnover differential battle.

No More Rabbits Out of the Helmets.
All year, the Steelers have been a team that made a big play (or two) when they needed one. You can look through nearly all of their close wins this season and pick out just one or two plays that basically won the game for them.

Against the Falcons, it was Troy's amazing INT on the sidelines and Mendenhall's overtime dash.

Against the Bengals, it was James Harrison knocking the ball out of Jordan Shipley's grip to seal the victory.

Against the Ravens in Baltimore, it was Troy's amazing strip sack and Redman's great run through tacklers into the endzone for the winning score.

Against the Bengals the second time around, Troy's pick six did the job.

Against the Bills, Troy made an amazing interception (and they had some help from Stevie Johnson's drop).

Against the Ravens in the playoffs, Harrison went on a complete tear for two series in the 3rd quarter and then Pig Ben had his huge throw to Antonio Brown on 3rd and 18.

Against the Jets, Ike Taylor's strip fumble and Pig Ben hooking up, again, with Brown were the story of that game.

Just one or two plays. A big play from Pig Ben. A big play from James Harrison. Next thing you know, the Steelers have won. And they count on that magic from those three guys -- Troy and Harrison and Pig Ben. And a few others, no doubt, but primarily, those are the big three. Last night, they needed at least one of those three guys to make a transcendent play -- just one amazing, game turning play, the kind those players seem to always produce. Troy was nowhere to be found, with just three tackles, no quarterback hits, no sacks, no interceptions, no turnovers, not even any tackles for losses.

Harrison had a couple of plays, but he was unable to force a ball loose, pick off a pass, or get to the quarterback on a key third down.

Pig Ben threw some of the worst passes of his career (and probably wants the one back where he overthrew a wide open Mike Wallace, more than any other.) To his credit, Ben got the Steelers back into the game, was a huge part of the recovery team that dug them out of the mine shaft he had helped to put them in in the first place. During the two minute drill, such as it was, he morphed into Kordell Stewart, rather than his usual clutch self and it all fell apart.

And that, my friends, is what happens when the guys who make magic run out of fairy dust, are rendered human, frail and vulnerable by a team good enough and smart enough to withstand a few shots to the chin and midsection and keep on firing, a team capable of making some magical plays of its own.

Congrats to the Green Bay Packers for Winning Super Bowl XLV

Seriously, many congratulations to Mike McCarthy, Aaron Rogers, and that whole team, as well as Packers fans in Wisconsin and every where. It's a well deserved win. Enjoy it!

Is XLV the Last of the Small Market Match Ups?

Through all the hand wringing over the health of the league, vis-a-vis players versus owners, what about the health of the league just among the owners? In September, 2009, Per ProFootballTalk reported,

“Right now, we are subsidizing this market,” Jones said, according to Sean Jensen of the St. Paul Pioneer Press. “It’s
unthinkable to think that you’ve got the market you got here — 3 ½
million people — and have teams like Kansas City and Green Bay
subsidizing the market. That will stop.

“That’s going to stop. That’s on its way out.”

Jones has said, basically, that he'd like to see both the salary cap and revenue sharing eliminated from the NFL. In Jerry World, it's all Jerry, all the time.

Take away revenue sharing and the salary cap? All of a sudden, the Green Bay Packers, one of the most legendary franchises in the history of football, become the Kansas City Royals. Meanwhile, the most decorated franchise in the entire league, the Pittsburgh Steelers, could end up as relevant as the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Take away the salary cap and revenue sharing and you've just turned football ... into baseball. Which means that an owner like Jerr'Jones could simply buy championships. Perhaps they could even play those championship games at his own Deathstar, a facility Pat Summerall appropriately referred to as Jerry Jones' "monument to himself."

World + the history of the NFL < Jerr'Jones.

What makes the league great is a Super Bowl like XLV because it means hope. Hope for any fan of any franchise, that his or her team will draft well, hire competent scouts and coaches, and make smart free agency moves. If all that works out, and you get a bit lucky, your team can end up here, in the Super Bowl. Dare I say it, its as close to a meritocracy as you'll find. That's the beauty of the NFL.

It wasn't all that long ago that the NFL was not the cash cow we know today. Back in the 1930's and 1940's, and even the 1950's, owners didn't make much profit. They made a decent buck, but nothing like the astronomical figures bandied about today. Back then, some teams considered it a good year if they broke even, most teams made profits in the single digits; two and three and four percent profit margins were common and ten percent profit was a ridiculous windfall. It wasn't until the 1960's that the sport really started to take off, to make some serious money. Commissioner Pete Rozzelle (rightly) convinced the owners that they would all make more money if the league in total was strong top to bottom, not just a few teams at the top. What that ushered in was opportunity. It's this opportunity, this genuine hope that every fan of just about every team has from draft day through training camp to the opening games, that makes the NFL great, that makes it must see TV.

If Jones (and a few other Richy Rich owners) have their way, the amazing, forward thinking structure of the NFL, pioneered by guys like Lamar Hunt, Wellington Mara and Pete Rozzelle can all be undone by greed gone wild. Not to put too fine a point on it, but Jerr'Jones isn't fit to hold Wellington Mara's spit cup.

The NFL works because you can have Super Bowl XLV, pitting Green Bay, Wisconsin (Population 101,000-ish) versus Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (urban population 300,000ish). So enjoy tonight's Super Bowl. Enjoy seeing two historical, small-market teams battle it out, ironically, at Jerry World. Enjoy it while you can.

And hope that cooler, more visionary owners prevail over Jones in the off-season.

Fake Brett Keisel Beards for Sale

The Strip District may be my absolute favorite neighborhood in Pittsburgh. I have spent countless mornings there, and every now and again, I get really lucky and I can see the years, more than a century of life pass by me -- industry, workers, commerce, butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, immigrants arriving and becoming a part of the place, the population shifting, growing, diminishing, and somehow growing again. It is a beautiful thing and a magnificent place. Truly. But yet, for all of that time, all of those mornings and afternoons and nights spent there, I only recently noticed this - "Troy Plaza" in brass plate laid in the corner of the sidewalk at 20th and Penn Avenue.Given it's location at the epicenter of sales of all things black and gold -- t-shirts, Terrible Towels, hats, scarves, dog collars, onesies, Troy Polamalu wigs and Brett Keisel beards -- I believe that it should be renamed "Troy Polamalu Plaza." Any Burghers out there know why this is named Troy Plaza? I really do want to know.

There were a huge number of Polamalu jerseys being worn this morning (no kidding that guy is No. 1 in jersey sales in all the NFL; at least half the population of Western Pennsylvania has a #43 jersey), but I also saw a good number of other players, both current and old timers represented: James Harrison, Heath Miller, LaMarr Woodley, Ben Roethlisburger, Hines Ward, Jack Lambert, Franco Harris and Terry Bradshaw. I even saw a Ryan Clark jersey, so that was cool.

Even though moshing our way down Penn was a bit like salmon swimming upstream (they blocked Penn to car traffic before XL, why not XLV?), everybody was feeling festive, happily waiting in line for biscotti and coffee, cheese and salsas, bread and t-shirts. There was a line out the door for DeLuca's that had to have been 40 people deep. At least.

Then, this guy was stationed just past Mike Feinberg's, playing the flute along to that ridiculous "Here We Go Steelers" song. Flute solos. I just don't hear enough of them.[If you're not from Pittsburgh, you don't know the song I'm talking about and for that you should be grateful. If you are from Pittsburgh, you know what I'm talking about and, hey, sorry for the nasty earworm.]

I stopped in at Prestogeorge to pick up some Antigua Guatamala coffee and was greeted by this sign.Best story of the day came courtesy of a friend who was working down at the Pittsburgh Public Market. Sadly, I had just missed it, but a couple was fighting right next to his vendor spot, and not a cute, "Honey, you know I'm right ..." kind of fight. They were fighting, genuinely hopping mad, really yelling at each other. He thought they might come to blows. The subject of the fight?

Who got to wear the Brett Keisel Beard.

Only in Pittsburgh. Is it time for the kick off yet?

Pittsburgh Has Steelers Fever. And the Only Prescription Is More Steelers

Today I had a bunch of errands to run. My first stop was the bank, where my teller was decked out in a Heath Miller jersey and Heath Miller earrings. She loves Heath, she told me. (And I'll tell you, just from my anecdotal research, the ladies love them some Heath Miller.) I was not surprised that she (and the other staffers at the bank were wearing Steelers jerseys - three staff members - one Troy, one Hines and one Heath) because for too many years, I worked downtown where most offices relax their dress code to allow for the ubiquitous and inevitable Steelers jerseys on Fridays before games. Attorneys who have to appear in court cannot adorn themselves in such manner (though a few do), so they opt for Steelers earrings or ties or something along those lines. That's just during the regular season, mind you. Steelers fever is viral when the team advances to the Super Bowl. The hypocycliods. They are everywhere. Terrible Towels become decorating rage de rigueur.

Of course, after my transaction, my teller and I parted ways with a mutual, "Go Steelers!" I had to think that, although Pittsburgh is a city which loves and respects idle chit-chat between strangers year round, we take it to heretofore unknown heights during the playoffs, particularly Super Bowl week. Instead of passing the time with comments about the weather (always popular) or some idiotic politician or some idiot driver, etc., the idle banter goes all-Steelers, all-the-time. Productivity must fall into a veritable crevasse throughout Western Pennsylvania on a day like today.

If a person landed in Pittsburgh today, understanding not a drop of English, they would surmise based on the circumstantial use of the phrase, "Go Steelers," that it meant "good-bye" or "have a nice day."

Then it was off to Waterworks to hit a few stores (chief among them, Bed, Bath & Beyond because the g-d supermarket never has parchment paper or butcher's string and, really, why is that?) and a few other stores. As I walked from one end of the strip mall to the other, nearly every store had a sign in the door to the effect of, "We are closing at 6:00 on Sunday. Thank you for your understanding. GO STEELERS!"

It's a sickness.

Tomorrow, a dispatch from the Strip District, the epicenter of Steelers ridiculousness and fun.

Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics: Super Bowl Edition

I was prepping some notes for a radio bit I did this morning, and it seemed to me these were some interesting numbers to play around with. Do with them as you will:

QUARTERBACK COMPARISON - 2010 Season Stats:

QB RATING
Rogers -- 3rd in NFL at 101.2
Pig Ben -- 5th in NFL at 97.0

YARDS PER ATTEMPT
Rogers -- 2nd in NFL with 8.26 yards per attempt
Pig Ben -- 3rd in NFL with 8.23 yards per attempt

COMPLETION PERCENTAGE
Rogers -- 6th in the NFL at 65.7%
Pig Ben -- 15th in the NFL at 61.7%

YARDS PER GAME
Pig Ben -- 6th in the NFL at 267 yards per game
Rogers -- 7th in the NFL at 261 yards per game

PASSES of +20 YARDS
Rogers -- 4th in the NFL with 54
Pig Ben -- 6th in the NFL with 52

PASSES of + 40 YARDS
Rogers -- 5th in the NFL with 10
Pig Ben -- 14th in the NFL with 8

TOUCHDOWN PASSES
Rogers -- 6th in the NFL with 28
Pig Ben -- 19th in the NFL with 17

DEFENSIVE COMPARISON:

FEWEST POINTS ALLOWED PER GAME
Steelers -- 1st in NFL with 14.5
Packers -- 2nd in NFL 15.0

THIRD DOWN CONV. PERCENTAGE AGAINST
Steelers -- 2nd at 34%
Packers -- 9th at 36%

RUSH YARDS ALLOWED PER GAME
Steelers -- 1st with 62.8 yd/game
Packers -- 18th with 114.9 yd/game

RUSH PLAYS ALLOWED OF + 20 YARDS
Steelers -- 1st with 1
Packers -- 10th with 10

AVERAGE RUSH YARDS PER ATTEMPT
Steelers -- 1st with 3.0 yards per attempt
Packers -- 18th with 4.7 yards per attempt

PASS YARDS ALLOWED PER GAME
Packers -- 5th at 194.2
Steelers -- 12th at 214.2

TOTAL SACKS
Steelers -- 1st with 48 sacks
Packers -- 2nd with 47 sacks

QB RATING AGAINST
Packers -- 1st at 67.2
Steelers -- 2nd at 73.1

PASSING TOUCHDOWNS AGAINST
Steelers -- 3rd -- allowed 15
Packers -- 4th -- allowed 16

Will Experience Be a Determining Factor in Super Bowl XLV?

The Pittsburgh Steelers have 14 starters with Super Bowl experience and 11 of those guys have played in two Super Bowls. [That doesn't include back ups like Larry Foote and Antwan Randal El, who both have Super Bowl experience. That's just the starters listed on the offensive and defensive depth charts.] The Packers, meanwhile, have just two starters with Super Bowl experience -- the amazing Charles Woodson and defensive end Ryan Pickett, who played his rookie year with the 2001 Rams.

Tomlin has coached in two Super Bowls (one as an assistant with the 2002 Tampa Bay Bucs and, of course, as the head man for the 2008 Steelers.) Green Bay's head coach (and the pride of Greenfield!) Mike McCarthy has been to zero.

If experience were the sole determining factor, the Steelers would win in a landslide. But then, if experience were a determining factor for success in life, we would all watch "Murder She Wrote" reruns instead of "The Jersey Shore," AOL would still rule the internets, and Marv Levy would still be coaching.

Recent SB history is pretty mixed in terms of experience versus inexperience, so much so that you have to wonder if experience counts for anything at all. The Packers won SB XXXI, then promptly went out and lost XXXII to the Denver Broncos. The St. Louis Rams won SB XXXIV, then lost to the New England Patriots in XXXVI. Of course, those Pats won a couple more, but lost to the Giants in XLII. The Indy Colts won XLII, but lost XLIV to the New Orleans Saints. On the flip side, the Pats did win two more SB's after their first win. The Broncos defended their title and, of course, the 2008 Steelers defeated the Arizona Cardinals for a second title.

Clearly, experience does not equal a win, but what it might mean is that the Steelers can dispatch their jitters more quickly, or at least that's what I hope.

The Super Bowl, no matter how much coaches and players may want to treat it like a run of the mill game, is no run of the mill game. It's weird. It's crazy. Halftime is way longer. Big stars show up for the National Anthem. There are reporters there from all over the world. When a guy with a microphone and a podcast in the Republic of Palau can get media credential, rest assured it's an out of control spectacle.

Beyond that, the players know that all NFL eyes are on them. Guys play just a bit harder on Monday Night Football, knowing that the rest of the league is at home watching them play. They want to perform for their peers. They most certainly don't want to embarrass themselves. If there's that much more additional pressure on a Monday night in October, what must this feel like?

I don't believe there is any way to anticipate what this stage is like if you haven't played on it before. Hines Ward puked his guts out during introductions before SB XL. Pig Ben said that, in most games, he has butterflies at the start, but that they go very early on, but in XL, they never went away.

There's no question that Aaron Rogers has been riding a hot streak for the last month and a half and has made long stretches of the post-season look like a 6 on 6 scrimmage. At times, he has been more accurate than Brady, more mobile than Vick and cooler than Montana. But if the nerves get to him at the start, if the lights and glitz and media glare, not to mention Jerr'Jones' death star HD screen hanging above him, gives him a fit of the yips early on, the Steelers might have the crack they need.

It's reasonable to expect that Rogers and the Pack will have at least some nerves. And while they work through the butterflies and twitches, the Steelers need to dig the Packers' grave and push them into it.

We know the Packers can score. In the regular season, they averaged 24.3 points per game and have averaged 30 per game in the post-season. Nobody's putting 30 points up on the Steelers defense, but I don't think you can keep them out of the endzone all night, nerves or not. So the Steelers defense needs to create opportunities early and keep the Steelers offense on the field throughout the first half. Oh, and they need touchdowns, not field goals. Touchdowns just aren't going to do it in this one.

If the Steelers can build a big enough lead at the start, it could be all the difference end. Just ask the Jets.

Super Bowl XLIII Memories ... Or, Just So Long as I Do Not Have to Sleep in a Tent

"Seriously, take some xanax."

I grunted. Then I continued twitching and tossing and fidgeting on my side of the tent. My crampy left calf was keeping me up, beyond which, sleeping on the hard ground was always a dicey proposition. I wasn't complaining so much as making very unhappy pre-verbal sounds, like a cranky toddler too tired to sleep.

And then there was the black and gold elephant in the tent.

At that moment, as I lay in a tent in a remote area in southern Chile, the Pittsburgh Steelers were playing in Super Bowl XLIII. I had managed to banish thoughts of the game from my head through our long day of hiking (more than 12 hours), but in the quiet of the tent with no other distractions (save for that crampy left calf muscle) I had one, intrusive, insistent thought: I cannot believe I am missing the fucking Super Bowl!

Somehow, I thought I could handle it. To this point, I had managed not to think about it, immersed in each day of hiking in one of the most beautiful areas of the world, plus I was often distracted by searing pain in my bionic, rebuilt ankle, so I had that going for me. Still it was crazy, inconceivable that I would miss the Steelers, the Pittsburgh Steelers mind you, playing in Super Bowl XLIII. I had given some thought to what it might be like to miss the game, but with game night coming down around me, no access to a television or even the internet, it was more slippery, trickier than I thought it would be.

While my fellow 'Burghers were cooking and cleaning and gearing up for the game, I was hiking to The Towers in Torres del Paine (pictured above), a trek that is pretty much straight uphill from the start. It's not technical climbing by any stretch, but it is a consistent climb for many hours which eventually brings you to the moraine at the base of the Towers. You've got to climb up this moraine -- loose rocks and boulders -- at an even steeper incline for about mile to take you to the Towers. That one mile? Takes almost an hour because of the grade, but also because the footing is a sprained ankle or blown out knee waiting to happen, so even those fittest of trekkers have to tread carefully. It was quite the day, too. The photo above is one of mine and I'm told that many a trekker has made the long hike to get there, only to have the Towers themselves obscured by cloud cover.

It had been an amazing, exhausting hike and we had wildly entertaining company at dinner, so it was easy enough to not think about the NFL. We even saw a guy hiking up the moraine in a pair of underpants. No pants, mind you, just a black hat, black vest, and hiking boots. He looked like an outcast from the San Francisco Gay Pride Parade circa 1992, save for his navy blue underpants with little clouds on them. That provided us hours of entertainment at dinner as we all wondered just how he came to hike in Patagonia without pants? Perhaps his luggage was lost? Maybe he was attacked by a feral guanaco, who ripped his pants from his body? Nah. I was convinced and remain so to this day that that he was German.

As Ben Roethlisberger and Santonio Holmes marched the team down the field for the game winning touchdown, I was laying in a tent, trying to be mindful of just how lucky I was. After all, how many people get to hike in Patagonia for over a week, treading their way through the Fitzroy range in southern Argentina and then in the Torres del Paine range in southern Chile? But sports allegiance in America is a funny thing. It defines us in many ways. I am, a writer, cook, reader, glass cutter, kayaker, hiker and a Steelers fan. It's not merely some entertainment, but part of who I am.

I am also a traveler. What to do when the two come in conflict? Super Bowl? Or hiking in Patagonia? Of course, as a Pittsburgh sports fan, the best time to travel is the summer time, the domain of that testament to irrelevancy, the Pittsburgh Pirates. But it's a terrible time to travel -- expensive and crowded. The best time to leave home is smack dab in the middle of football and hockey season. It's a constant conflict and one that I still haven't learned how to balance.

It seemed silly to fret about a game, so I lay there castigating myself for feeling sorry for myself. I was in this amazing place seeing incredible things and I was bumming because I was missing a game? Seriously?It was a long and mostly sleepless night -- what with the cold, hard-ground, the cramping leg, and the shameful self-pity. But the next morning, with the above picture my view at breakfast and another day of trekking in front of us, it was hard to feel anything but exuberant. A nice guy who worked at the campsite also had the world's weakest internet access and while it took him about 20 minutes to get the ESPN.com site to come up, I was truly grateful for his patience. That's how I learned the Steelers had won -- on a computer moving at glacial speed. (Given that I had hiked near and around several glaciers on this trip, it seemed somehow fitting.) It would be ten more days before I was back in the States and could see a replay of the game. (That's a whole other story. Damn you DVR! Damn you!)

So this year, no matter the outcome, no matter the quality of the game, I am here, able to watch the game in live action and, most importantly, sleep in my own bed. But I have to admit, a small part of me wishes I were going to be in a tent in some other remote part of the world, able to enjoy the news of the outcome at a distance, without the inevitable tension and anxiety of watching the actual game. Funny that.

Performance Art, David Mamet and the AFC Championship Game

A long time ago, like back in the Neil O'Donnell era, I went to an evening of performance art at Mellon Park put together by this artsy guy who I kinda knew because he dated somebody I knew. I didn't much care for him. I thought he was pretentious and annoying because he was pretentious and annoying. Also, he wore purple. Lots and lots of purple all the time and I don't think I ever saw him when he wasn't wearing at least one article of purple clothing. He had a simply shocking propensity for purple. Not a dignified purple, like Northwestern or Minnesota Vikings purple, either. It was more like the shade of purple preferred by pre-pubescent little girls, the shade they would squeal with delight to find in a pen and then proceed to sign everything in purple and write on the fronts of their notebooks and stuff. That purple. He even wore purple socks. In the summer. With shorts and running shoes. (I am not making this up.)

But I started thinking about him, and this particular evening of performance art because the over-arching theme was time. It was made up of many different vignettes, some of which were more monologue and others more, em, performance artsy, if you know what I mean. And when one of them was finished, Mr. Purple would bang this little gong he was carrying around and call "Time!," only he did it in a really annoying way -- like, "TIIIMMMMMMMMEEE!" -- he really laid on that "M" and dragged it out. Then we'd all walk, like lemmings, to another spot in the park for another vignette.

I found myself thinking about Mr. Purple calling "TIIIMMMMMMMEEE" yesterday morning when I was reflecting on the Steelers-Jets game because it seems to me it was all about time, it was about the Steelers offense's ability to drain nearly all the time out of the first quarter and about the defenses's ability to make the Jets use more time than they wanted to down the stretch.

They opened the game with a 15 play, nine minute touchdown drive. Nine minutes is an insanely long time for the Steelers offense (any offense, really) to be on the field. The Jets offense must have felt helpless, just standing there on a freezing night, watching the slow, inexorable tour of destruction that was the Steelers offense at the start of the game. They were down by seven points, with one-sixth of the game gone before Mark Sanchez even touched the ball. It felt like that opening drive set the tone for the whole first half, that the Jets had been almost lulled into a coma by the first drive. In fact, the Jets held the ball for just 8:04 in the first half. TIIIMMMMMMEE!

After the Jets gamely fought back to make it a two score game, they took over near the end of the 3rd quarter on their own 13 yard line. Though they drove the length of Heinz Field, James Harrison et al. forced them to use 17 plays to do it, and chew up eight minutes of clock before Casey Hampton and Brett Keisel stoned LaDainian Tomlinson at the goal-line. This was a muther of a goal-line stand.

I realize that the Jets got a safety on the very next snap of the ball, and scored a touchdown on the ensuing drive. Of course. But think of it in terms of time. The Steelers forced them to use 12:38, almost a full quarter of the game, to score just nine points. TIIIMMMMMMEEE!

None of it works, mind you, if the Steelers offense cannot close them out.

In David Mamet's brilliant Glengarry Glen Ross, Blake tells the assembled sales team (selling what, I was never clear on) that they should:

"A-B-C. A-Always. B-Be. C-Closing. Always be closing. Always be closing."

QB rating be damned, Pig Ben is a closer. It may not be pretty and you may not be able to look at a stat sheet to see it, but he's got a killer instinct, an innate, uncanny ability to put a dagger in the other team's heart at just the right moment.

I've been critical of Bruce Arians from time to time (mostly, I just wish he'd take that little delayed handoff to Mewelde Moore and the reverse just out of his playbook. Out. Gone. Banished to the trash heap), but I have to applaud his play-calling at the end of the game, twice calling pass plays to pick up first downs when most other coaches would have just run the ball, punted and tried to pin the Jets deep. It doesn't look like much on the stats sheet:

2nd and 9 at PIT 42 B.Roethlisberger pass short right to H.Miller to NYJ 44 for 14 yards (A.Cromartie).

and

3rd and 6 at NYJ 40 (Shotgun) B.Roethlisberger pass short right to A.Brown pushed ob at NYJ 26 for 14 yards (E.Smith).

Just two relatively routine pass plays, but what those two plays really are is: "You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here - close!"

I love the calls. Of course, I love the calls because they worked. But lets face it, only a handful of coaches would do it, have the ability to to do it, because there aren't that many closers out there. Pig Ben has never thrown for a bigger 28 yards in his life.

It is a synergy of a quarterback who can make those kinds of plays and a coaching staff that trusts him to do just that. Always Be Closing. That was a closing.

"Fuck you. That's my name. You know why, mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW. *That's* my name."

Play big or go home. Once again, the Steelers are going to the Super Bowl. And they're not going in a Hyundai.

Steelers Are Dallas Bound

I think this pretty much says it all. We're from the town with the great football team. We cheer the Pittsburgh Steelers.

5 Reasons the Steelers Will Win the AFC Championship Game

These are the five most compelling reasons I can think of that the Steelers will win on Sunday and advance to the franchise's eighth Super Bowl appearance, in search of their seventh Super Bowl victory.

1. Pig Ben. Love him, hate him, think he should be incarcerated or wish to smash his face in with a cricket bat, it doesn't matter. The tremendously gifted Jets DB's will have to play an entirely different game this week than they have the past two weekends. Both Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are rhythm, timing quarterbacks who make tremendous pre-snap reads and can throw balls into tiny spaces. But both are pure pocket passers, neither of whom can do what #7 can do, which is break contain, break free of tackles and extend plays. The difference is not just Pig Ben, but the Steelers receivers, who have adapted to him, know what to do and where to go after that little alarm clock in their heads goes off that says, 'that big idiot is running around back there again -- get open!'

If you're the Jets, do you blitz a safety and risk Pig Ben escaping to find Wallace or Sanders in one on one coverage deep? Or find Miller underneath? Do you spy him? Do you rush three like the Ravens did and risk ending up on the wrong end of a 58 yard completion (which I'm sure is still burning up T-Sizzle.)

Pig Ben's critics always point to Brady, Manning, Brees and now, even Aaron Rogers as being much better than Roethlisberger, claiming that he's not in that class of elite quarterback. To that I say, piffle. You can have your fantasy stats and I'll take the guy who is built for the post-season, for the 4th quarter. Simply put, he is a big game quarterback. Plus, the forecast is for a windy evening at Heinz Field. Roethlisberger has proven than the can throw in the wind, but the verdict is still out on Jets pretty boy, Mark Sanchez.

2. James Harrison. Harrison is an unstoppable force, a class 5 hurricane, a tsunami lined up at linebacker. When the Steelers need something big, there's a good chance that #92 or #43 will provide that play. With Troy Polamalu having kind of an off week last week (due to injury, but still, he was off), Harrison (and Ryan Clark) filled that void. Reading through the official gamebook is like a Harrison highlight recitation: sack, tackle for loss, in coverage on an incompletion, pressure on the quarterback, sack. He is a game changer.

Like Pig Ben, he is a big game player. Earlier in the season, I heard some local radio talking head fielding questions about who was the Steelers MVP of the season. I think he was of the mind that it was Lawrence Timmons (although I could be remembering wrong) and Timmons would be a fine choice, as would Troy. But Harrison has once again dominated his side of the line of scrimmage and even changed the game as it is now played.What's amazing about all of that is that he had to adjust his game mid-stride to avoid penalties (both legit and ridiculous -- yes, I am looking at you Tony Corrente for the "falling on the qb with his full body weight" absurdity) and still be the dominant presence his teammates count on.

Sanchez may be calm and confident now, but he hasn't run into James Harrison lately, not the playoff version of James Harrison. Sanchez' current sang froid is subject to change.

3. Heeeeaaaaattttthhhhh. Yeah, that's right, Jets, the Steelers didn't have Heath Miller during that first meeting and instead, Pig Ben had to throw to Matt "Head of Granite and Hands to Match" Spaeth.

The underneath and middle routes, typically the domain of tight ends, were open enough that Pig Ben threw to Spaeth seven or eight times, even though Spaeth only managed to haul in three of those passes. Who knows? That game might have a different ending with Heath in there. Maybe he doesn't run interference on the 3rd down pass intended for Emmanuel Sanders in the back of the endzone? Maybe he makes the difficult catch in the endzone to win the game on 4th down? I'm not here to bury Spaeth; rather, I'm just making the point that those routes, the ones generally covered by a safety or linebacker, were open.

Whereas the greatness of the Jets corners is evident, the safeties, particularly in the absence of Jim Leonhard, can be exploited. This is a match up that favors the Steelers. Apparently in the last game, the Jets put Revis on Hines and Cromartie on Wallace, leaving either Eric Smith or Brodney Pool to cover the tight end. Certainly the Jets will have all kinds of new schemes, twists and stunts in store for the Steelers (Rex is no dummy), but the personnel is what the personnel is, and I like the Steelers' chances a whole lot better with Miller in the offensive arsenal.

4. Young Money Crew. Mike Wallace, Emmanuel Sanders and Antonio Brown make up the Young Money Crew and, per Sanders, he is Easy Money, Wallace is Fast Money and Brown is Quick Money, although I did hear an interview wherein Brown said he was Cash Money, which made me howl. Defenders, however, are not laughing. Not one bit.

In truth, there were legitimate questions about the Steelers wide receiving corps coming into this season. Wallace had a great rookie season, but how would he handle the attention paid to him with Holmes gone to New York? Ward, though a Hall of Famer, is getting older. We knew that the Steelers had three good passing options (including Miller), but after that it was a black hole of unknown.

Enter Brown and Sanders -- Mo' money, Mo' money, Mo' money!

Sanders, listed as third on the depth chart, contributed 28 receptions for 376 yards and two touchdowns, an unexpected bounty. He has shown that he is capable of stepping up his game on a big stage and none is bigger than this Sunday.

Brown didn't getting much playing time in the beginning and wasn't even dressed for a handful of games, but still he managed to contribute 16 receptions for 167, none more beautiful or important than the 58 yarder against the Ravens. (I don't know how fast Brown is, but it sure looked like he kicked it into another gear to gain separation as he passed Lardarius Webb.)

One more note about the addition of Brown. There has been some serious garment rending over the Steelers giving up Santonio Holmes for just a 5th round draft pick, but that draft pick was used to bring Bryant McFadden back and then go and get Brown. If you say Holmes for a 5th round pick, you say, we was robbed! But if you say Holmes for McFadden and Brown, it's a pretty good deal, particularly when you factor in salaries and such.

It is a particularly popular football cliche to say that you need a speed receiver to stretch the field and that, without one, it all turns to pain, misery and tears. That the Steelers can deploy three speedsters at one time gives them speed at the receiver position that is nothing short of an embarrassment of riches.

5. Brett Keisel. Ah, to sing the praises of the great unheralded one, he of the Nordic God-like beard, the man who, quietly mind you, took over as the anchor on the defensive line when Aaron Smith was lost for the season. Now, nobody other than Aaron Smith's family loves him more than I do. I was positively crestfallen when he was injured. But Keisel has stepped in and stepped up to not only anchor the line, but, it seems to me, to step into the leadership role that has always been Smith's.

His stats are good, but like any defensive lineman in a LeBeau scheme, they're not eye-popping. But if you're watching a replay of last week's game on the NFL Network just watch #99 for a series or two. Or do the same this week. The guy is always pushing the line back, or stringing out a running back so that Troy or Clark or Timmons can get there. He is an unseen playmaker, a virtual puppet master who allows other guys to get lots of camera time. When Keisel was out for a five game stretch, the Steelers went 3-2 and struggled to get by Buffalo. I think he's enough of an impact player that he might have altered the outcome against the Saints or made the Buffalo game a less cardiac arrest inducing affair.

The Jets did a nice job of keeping Mark Sanchez clean last week, but the Patriots don't have anybody on their defensive line who is anywhere near as good as Keisel. I'm hoping to see lots of Brett and his luxurious, multi-hued beard on Sunday night.

Bonus Reason -- The Terrible Towel. I hear tell yarns of Jets fans defiling the Terrible Towel, and worse yet, that some desecrations took place on the streets of this very hamlet, in the Strip District, no less. Not to go all Walter Sobchak on you, but we're talking about unchecked aggression here. And the Towel has drawn a line in the sand that you DO NOT CROSS.

Now, the legendary Myron Cope wrote in Double Yoi, "... I did not see the Terrible Towel as witchcraft to hex the enemy. It would be a positive force, driving the Steelers to superhuman performance ..." I'm not in direct contact with the Towel as Myron was, and do not know if the Towel will smite a team for the idiocy of that team's fans, but it is possible that these cretinous Jets fans have awakened the great might and power of the Towel. You know, I just don't know how to say this more clearly: Respect the Towel, bitches.