Waiting for Goodell [A play in one act]

I'm not a playwrigt, but I play one on the internet. Here is my dramatic re-enactment of the NFL denying the appeals of James Harrison:

"Excuse me sir, would it please the, er, court, I'd like to appeal these fines."

"Yes. Yes. Appeal. Well, get on with it."

"Well, hey, wait a minute. Aren't you the guy who levied these fines to begin with?"

(Silence. And glowering. Lots of glowering.)

"Ahem, okay, so you see, when I hit Drew Brees, I was flying towards him. I was fighting off a block and I was going at full throttle. It was a bang-bang play. And, you know, I get paid to go after the quarterback more or less."

(More silence and glowering.)

"I didn't hit him high and I didn't hit him low. And yeah, I guess my helmet hit him, but, you know I was leading with my shoulder and my head is right next to my shoulder and all ... So, well, I guess that's the basis of my appeal for that hit."

"Yes. I see. Denied. Next!"

"Just like that?"

"Do you dare to question the Great and Mighty Goodell!" (puffs of green smoke and sound effects follow.) "Well!?"

"No. I, ah, well, I guess not. So on this hit on Mohamed Massaquoi, you see, I know it looks bad. I really do. And he had to leave and game and stuff. I know that you're trying to protect players and I can no longer hit like that now, you know just explode into a receiver. I get that. You guys changed the rules and stuff, so I've really been trying not to do that. But, you see, the rules weren't really in effect when this fine was meted out, so I was hoping that through like a grandfather clause or something ..."

"Denied! The rules didn't change! I've told you and Suzy Kolber that a thousand million times! The rules didn't change! The rules didn't change!"

(More glowering.)

"Of course not. But, how about a reduction. After all, you've fined guys much less money for much more egregious post-whistle incidents and I was just playing hard, snap to whis ..."

"Are you accusing me of bias? Do you not think I am impartially looking out for the health of the league?"

(Harrison just looks down and shuffles feet.)

"Mr. Harrison, I am simply looking out for the welfare of the players. I am the Commissioner who cares about player safety. Don't you get that?"

"I do. Really. I do. I appreciate it. But you know, it's going to be way more dangerous to play 18 games than 16 ..."

"Get out of here! And never darken my door again!"

(Harrison exits. Goodell turns to a toady lurking in the background)

"Can we fine him for something this week?"

The end.

Or, while I stupidly spent time crafting a nuanced one act play, DJ Gallo summed it up with this picture.

The Disingenuous Debate Over Player Safety

The Pittsburgh Steelers, like every NFL team, have suffered a huge number of injuries already, just through eight games on the season. Some of these players returned to the field, but others are lost for the season, and all of the players listed below have missed playing time and shown up on the injury report for one reason or another:

Byron Leftwich, Chris Kemeoatu, Arnez Battle, Bryant McFadden, Dennis Dixon (gone for the year), Heath Miller, Flozell Adams, Maurkice Pouncey, Max Starks (gone for the year), Trai Essex, Aaron Smith (likely gone for the year), Chris Hoke, Brett Keisel, LaMarr Woodley, Mewelde Moore, Issac Redman and Will Allen (these last last three suffered concussions, just fyi.)

Meanwhile, Judge Dread talks convincingly of player safety. The League cares. He cares. Deeply, you see. So deeply that the fines just keep on coming for unsafe player hits because, you know, at the NFL's HQ on Madison Avenue they care about nothing more than player safety.

The fines are so numerous that it's hard to list them all. The highlights, the most talked about fines were the ones to Pittsburgh's James Harrison, New England's Brandon Meriweather, Atlanta's Dunta Robinson and Green Bay's Nick Collins.

But on any given week, you can check in with ESPN's Adam Schefter for a rundown of the fines because there are tons that do not get much airplay. This is from Schefter's column from just one single week in the NFL:

"Defensive lineman Myron Pryor has been fined $7,500 for a fourth-quarter hit that opened a cut on Favre's chin. ...

Patriots linebacker Gary Guyton was also fined $7,500 for his first-quarter hit on Favre in last Sunday's 28-18 win. ...

Pittsburgh linebacker James Harrison was fined $20,000 for a late hit on Saints quarterback Drew Brees ...

Tennessee defensive end Jason Babin was fined $20,000 for roughing San Diego QB Philip Rivers when he unnecessarily struck Rivers in the knee area ...

Two San Francisco 49ers linebackers were fined for hits on Denver quarterback Kyle Orton in the 49ers' win last Sunday at London. ...

Manny Lawson was docked $12,500 for roughing the passer, using his helmet to hit Orton in the chest. ...

Ahmad Brooks loses $10,000 for striking Orton in the head and neck area. ...

Seahawks defensive end Chris Clemons was fined $7,500 for a late hit on Raiders quarterback Jason Campbell. ...

Two Raiders also were fined, including guard Robert Gallery for a late hit on Clemons that cost him $7,500. Rookie linebacker Rolando McClain was hit for a $7,500 fine for grabbing Seahawks running back Justin Forsett by the helmet in an attempt to tackle him."

I'm sure the NFL charities do good work, and I know that, at least for some of these players, a $25,000 fine is the equivalent of a $25 parking ticket for you or me. So I'm not crying poor on behalf of the players, but ...

It seems to me that the players fines and all the talk of possibly suspending players for the most egregious, dangerous hits, has much in common with the the green curtain, spooky lights, amplified voice, smoke and steam in the Wizard of Oz: simply, effects meant to distract Dorothy and her comrades so they wouldn't notice the little man behind the curtain. Don't look there. Look here!

Judge Dread has beautifully positioned himself as Clara Barton and the players as the bad guys. See, he cares about player safety, while the players themselves do not. James Harrison, Roy Williams, even saintly Troy Polamalu have aired grievances about the way fines are meted out and handled. It makes them seem as though they don't care about their own safety or that of other players.

[And, as concerns closed head injuries, there is some truth to this. Football players at all levels still minimize the after-shocks of concussions. I very recently talked to a high school football player who was severely concussed in a game. It was a scary concussion -- the kid was out cold for a good while. The team trainer declared him ineligible to play the last five games of the season, knowing that if she left it up to the player himself, he would have gone back out there the very next week. It's no different at higher levels of NCAA football or the NFL. This is just how players think.]

But yet, does the league care about player safety? Or is all the talk of fines meant to distract us from the obvious disregard for the safety of the workforce not named Manning or Brady?

I am the Great and Mighty Oz and I am fining Nick Collins! [Pay no attention to the fait accompli (and obvious danger to the NFL's workforce) of the 18 game season that the owners want so much.]

The Great and Mighty Oz has declared James Harrison the greatest danger to player safety since the flying wedge was outlawed! [Pay no attention to Thursday night games that requires players to play games after just three days rest.]

Nothing makes the players more unsafe than a lack of preparation and recuperation time. Nothing could add more danger than adding two additional and completely unnecessary regular season games. These moves are more dangerous than the Nick Collins, Dunta Robinson, James Harrison and Brandon Meriweather hits combined. If not more dangerous, then at least as dangerous.

I think it was a Tennesse Williams character who cried, "Mendacity!" Or maybe it was Ray Lewis. (It's so rare that I find myself in complete and total agreement with the elder Ravens linebacker, and yet, on this one, Ray Ray and I are simpatico.)

So long as the NFL continues the disgusting money grab of Thursday night football (prime time football means mad bling for the owners) and the even more disgusting money grab of adding two more games to the regular season schedule, they cannot in good conscience claim to care about player safety.

They only care about the appearance of caring about player safety. Actual player safety? Not so much.