Friday, August 28, 2009

Charlie & Me

Me and Charlie Weis, we go way back. We're like peas & carrots, bacon & eggs, salt-n-peppa. Oh, Charlie. He's not the devil, but he is bewitching. Gotta love the fat man.

From True/Slant on August 25, 2009:

Ode to Charlie Weis.

I love Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis. I love him so much that I feel chagrined about a story I penned a long time ago titled, “Charlie Weis Is the Devil.” It was one of the first things I ever wrote for publication; it was meant to be fun and ridiculous. Looking back, I guess Weis got my so-called career kick-started, so a thank you is long overdue. More to the point, I’d like to think I’ve matured as a writer and as a human being, too. In fact, I’ve grown so much since Weis’ inaugural season in South Bend that I do believe I’ve come full circle on the man with the big waist-size and even bigger ego.

How do I love the head man of the Golden Domes? Let me count the ways:

I love Charlie Weis because his Fighting Irish are ranked in the Top 25 heading into the 2009 football season. It may make for a wonderful fall to reality. The higher the perch, the bigger the splat. At least that’s what the nuns taught me in grade school.

I love the “decided schematic advantage” that Weis brings to Notre Dame football. But then, who doesn’t?

Back in April of 2006, Weis’ blue-chip recruit Jimmy Clausen wooed me when he committed to N.D. What made it special was that he made the proclamation at the College Football Hall of Fame. You can’t make this stuff up. If Clausen weren’t playing quarterback for the Fighting Irish, you have to think he’d have a choke-hold on a spot for the next round of MTV’s “Real World,” where he would no doubt get the shit-stirrer/villain edit.

I love Charlie Weis for losing to Navy in 2007. Some people might call that an epic fail. More like nautical fail.

Who doesn’t love a 2009 schedule which has a dozen games, eight of which are at home and only one of which is against a ranked team? Way to set the bar high for your program. As my buddy Prong! noted, perhaps college football needs something like the degree of difficulty formulas used for diving and figure skating.

I’m head over heels with the N.D. athletic department ever since they saw fit to re-up Weis’ contract barely halfway through the first year of his six-year contract in order to ink him to a new 10-year deal (worth $30–40 million.) Thanks for keeping Charlie at Notre Dame through 2015. You guys are beautiful.

I love Charlie Weis for this masterpiece: Syracuse 24, Notre Dame 23.

After Weis left the New England Patriots, Tom Brady only got better, winning the NFL MVP award for the 2008 season. So I guess that kinda means I love Tom Brady. Um, not really. No. Ewwww. Still, I’m sure Weis’ system was absolutely essential to Brady blossoming into the dominant player he is.

I love Notre Dame official coach’s bio which covers just the 2005 and 2006 seasons, as though 2007 and 2008 never happened. (Of course, the records are there, if you want to look for them, but in the text, ah, um, wait, I’m sure it’s here somewhere.) [] The English department may want to teach the football media guide in its advanced literature courses.

Few things are as entertaining as former N.D. coach, current pundit and all around goofy guy Lou Holtz. It was especially good of uncle Lou to partake in the annual Fighting Irish Kool-Aid Ritual to pick Notre Dame to win a National Championship this year.

I love Charlie Weis’ vocabulary. I haven’t heard that much profanity since my last viewing of “Reservoir Dogs.”

Perhaps the most beguiling, most alluring aspect of the big man is that fact that he actually believes his own hype. Come on over here, ya big lug, and give me a hug.

But the best part of coach Weis is that he is the gift that just keeps on giving, so I’m sure that, before it’s all over, the Charlie Weis Era will have so many more valuable lessons in store for me. In store for all of us, really, because Weis is a teacher; he’s more like a sculptor of souls, if you will. See, he’s all about giving back and passing on wisdom, like how things usually work out in the end, that water seeks it’s own level, and the belief that you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need. Wow. I guess that Notre Dame really does build character.

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